Why aren't there any Walmarts in Afganistan? Because there are too many Targets.

 

This one is a popular one....

An American businessman is on a business trip in Japan and hires a hooker. The whole night, this Japanese hooker keeps screaming "Hoshimota! Hoshimota!" He can't quite remember what the word means, but he's sure he's pleased the hooker to best of his ability. The next morning, he goes to play a game of golf with his Japanese business partner when he makes a hole-in-one. Everyone is congratulating him in Japanese and he can't think anything to say but HOSHIMOTA. His partner turns to him and asks what do you mean its in the wrong hole?

 

Q.) What doesn't belong in this list: Meat, Eggs, Wife, BJ?

A.) BJ: You can beat your meat, eggs or wife,but you can't beat a bj.

 

Whats more gay than Frisco and Dupont combined??

Byrnie

 

hahaha...daym...

 

A man sitting @ the bar keeps hearing this consert piano music but can't figure out where it is conmming from, when he notices this wooden box on the next bar stool. He asks the guy sitting on the other side of the box what the deal with the music is. The guy reaches over and flips the lid to the box open and inside the box is a miniature Grand piano and a little man about a foot tall playing the piano.
-"Wow!" exclaims the man, "Where did you get that?" he asks.
-"There's a Gennie in the back room that will grant you one wish if you ask him."he says. The man darts to the back room of the bar and meets the Gennie.
-"I would like a million bucks" he asks. Poof! a big cloud of smoke appears. When the smoke clears there are one million ducks in the room.
-"I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks" he protests to the Gennie.
-"Sorry buddy, you only get one wish" replies the Gennie.
The man leaves the back room all discusted muttering to himself of what an idiot the Gennie is and returns to his seat at the bar. He turns and complains to the guy with the box as to the lousy Gennie in the back room. The guy looks at him and replies:
-"WTF do you think I wished for a 12" pianist?

 

Gotta Stop for a Black Man

There are 3 guys. A jew, mexican, and a black man. These 3 guys were in the middle of nowhere and were stranded with no way of transportation to get to town. Well, they thought of this idea to have one of them lay down in the middle of the road and figured a car would stop and they would have a ride. So, the jew went and laid in the road. A car came and thump thump, ran him right over. Ah man, it didn't work, but its gotta. You try it. The mexican went out on the road and a car came and thump thump, ran him right over. Dangn't, this is such a good idea, they gotta stop for a black man. So the black man went out on the road and car came. Thump thump, errrrrt, reerrrrrr thump thump, thump thump, thump thump.

 

Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a
party. After several drinks, one of the men had to use the
restroom.
Those who remained talked about their kids.

The first guy said, "My son is my pride and joy. He started
working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel.
He studied Economics and Business Administration and soon began to
climb the corporate ladder and now he's the president of the
company.
He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line
Mercedes for his birthday."

The second guy said, "Damn, that's terrific! My son is also my
pride and joy. He started working for a big airline, and then went
to
flight school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in
the
company, where he owns the majority of its assets.
He's so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his
birthday."

The third man said: "Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the
best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own
construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave
away something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his
birthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion."

The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth
returned from the restroom and asked: "What are all the
congratulations
for?" One of the three said: "We were talking about the pride we
feel
for the successes of our sons. ...What about your son?"

The fourth man replied: "My son is gay and makes a living dancing
as a stripper at a nightclub."

The three friends said: "What a shame...what a disappointment."
The fourth man replied: "No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I
love him. And he's lucky, too. His birthday just passed and the
other
day he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand
new jet
and a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends."

 

In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity
from employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees well
trained through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (S.H.I.T)

We are trying to give our employees more S.H.I.T than anyone else. If
you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T on the course,
please see your supervisor. You will be immediately placed at the top
of the S.H.I.T list, and our supervisors are especially skilled at seeing
you get all the S. H. I. T. you can handle.

Employees who don't take their S. H. I.T. will be placed in
DEPARTMENTAL EMPLOYEE EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T).

Those who fail to take D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T seriously will have to go to
EMPLOYEE ATTITUDE TRAINING (E.A.T.S.H.I.T). Since our supervisors took
S.H.I.T before they were promoted, they don't have to do S.H.I.T
anymore, and are all full of S.H.I.T already. If you are full of
S.H.I.T, you may be interested in a job teaching others. We can add
your name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING LIST of LEADERS (B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T).

For employees who are intending to pursue a career in management and
consulting, we will refer you to the department of MANAGERIAL
OPERATIONAL RESEARCH EDUCATION (M.O.R.E.S.H.I.T).

This course emphasizes how to manage M.O.R.E. S.H.I.T

If you have further questions, please direct them to our HEAD OF
TEACHING, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (H.O.T.S.H.I.T).

Thank you,

BOSS IN GENERAL, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING
(B.I.G.S.H.I.T)

 

LOOL^^thats pretty funny

 

Q: If a black guy, a mexican guy and a indian guy all jump out of a window, who will hit the ground first???









A: Who cares....

 

Q: What do you call a spanish guy w/ a toe thats made of rubber??

A: Roberto

Q: What do you call a spanish guy w/ no car??

A: Carlos


Q: Whats the difference between Batman and a black man??

A: Batman can go to the store w/o Robin

 

Cowboy and Indian

While riding one day, a cowboy met an Indian riding along with a dog and a sheep and began a conversation.

COWBOY: "Hey, nice dog you got there. Mind if I speak to him?"
INDIAN: "Dog no talk."
COWBOY: "Hey dog, how's it going?"
DOG: "Doin' good."

Indian is absolutely shocked...

COWBOY: "Is this Indian your owner?", pointing at the Indian.
DOG: "Yep."
COWBOY: "How does he treat you?"
DOG: "Real good. He lets me run free twice a day, feeds me great food, and takes me to the lake once a week to play."

Indian has a look of total disbelief.

COWBOY: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"
INDIAN: "Horse no talk."
COWBOY: "Hey horse, how are you ?"
HORSE: "Good."
COWBOY: "Is this your owner?", pointing at the Indian.
HORSE: "Yep."
COWBOY: "How's he treat you?"
HORSE: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often, and keeps me under a tree to protect me from the rain."



Indian stares in utter amazement.

COWBOY: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"
INDIAN: "Sheep is a liar."

 

Lool^^

 

Q: What do you call 2 spanish guys playing basketball???

A: Juan-on-Juan