Letter from the *****

I, the *****, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

* I do physical labor.
* I work at great depths.
* I plunge head first into everything I do.
* I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
* I work in a damp environment.
* I don't get paid overtime.
* I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
* I work in high temperatures.
* My work exposes me to contagious Diseases.

Dear *****:
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the Administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

* You do not work 8 hours straight.
* You fall asleep on the job after brief work periods.
* You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
* You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen Visiting other locations.
* You do not take initiative -- you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
* You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
* You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.
* You will retire well before you are 65.
* You are unable to work double shifts.
* You sometimes leave your designated work before you have Completed the assigned task.
* And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the Workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.